AnimeYo Forums - Blogs http://www.animeyo.net/forums/blog.php this is an anime and manga downloads forum, that is free to join en Thu, 28 Aug 2008 20:16:13 GMT vBulletin 60 http://www.animeyo.net/forums/images/retro/misc/rss.jpg AnimeYo Forums - Blogs http://www.animeyo.net/forums/blog.php Yayz an update! http://www.animeyo.net/forums/blogs/hinarei/37-yayz-update.html Mon, 25 Aug 2008 11:34:07 GMT been a few months since I last posted a blog entry XD

Sorry about that, folks.

Since I last posted, I've been horrendously busy at work, had my job restructured, been on holiday with my family, gf and her sister (welcome break, was that), had some major dramas to deal with on animeb, thoroughly neglected the 2kochan website and still not posted all that much on here :eek:

I needed that fortnight break dreadfully... what with work and the fact that as a family we've had a tough year so far, we all really needed some sort of escape. And it would have been more relaxing if not for the flies and the fact we couldn't turn the heating off in our cottage :su: ]]> hinarei http://www.animeyo.net/forums/blogs/hinarei/37-yayz-update.html <![CDATA[Ranting ><]]> http://www.animeyo.net/forums/blogs/golden-nightmare/36-ranting.html Sun, 24 Aug 2008 19:31:58 GMT Alright I've got a couple of things I need to get off my chest.

1.) I work at Wally world (yeah I know it sucks) but there is one thing I can't stand other than people who can't read their fricken Wic cards for the right date. it's people who talk on the phone while you're trying to check them out. Folks, this is just plain rude! If something happens to go wrong or something doesn't ring up right and you try to ask them what the price was or something they give you this dirty look as if you are interrupting their conversation. In a sense you are but still, they shouldn't be talking while checking out anyway!! It's just plain curtisy!

2.) People who come to the 10 items or less lane with a cart with 40 items. Geez people, it says on the light "10 ITEMS OR LESS!! READ THE FUCKING SIGN FOLKS!!

3.) And in line with that lane, there are these people who decide to come into that lane during a rush hour and decide they don't want something or they need to get something. Instead of letting me finish checking them out, and wait while the item is getting to the line, they wait and hold up the line and waist everyones and more importantly MY precious time!

4.) People who come up with an item that doesn't have a barcode, wait 30 minutes while you and other people frantically rush around and find the price and then when you finally get it , they decide "nope I dont' want it" and then walk off....
MOTHER SON OF A #^(^@%^#&@!!!!!!!

Sigh...
now I got to go back to that hell hole and probably have something else to post in my blog tonight along with another story and an update on what is going on with me..
until then


~ GN ]]> Golden Nightmare http://www.animeyo.net/forums/blogs/golden-nightmare/36-ranting.html Three, four weeks? Ah crap... http://www.animeyo.net/forums/blogs/drakeflyte/35-three-four-weeks-ah-crap.html Sat, 23 Aug 2008 23:58:23 GMT I'm afraid its come to that time of the year where you realise that Uni is about a month away, and that pile of utterly pointless studying you have to do (not that your lecturer could care what the hell you do during the summer but is fully prepared to make you repeat first year for getting weaseled every night with cheap cheap Co-op vodka.)is still untouched. Well, I found my pile. I don't remember feeding it but it seemed to have grown and converted previously meaningless pieces of paper into unmitigated crap about how you're completely unsuitable for this course anyway.

Needless to say, its still lying there, upon seeing it i released a cry of mortal peril and fled. Might have to sleep in the lounge instead if i can't calm my nerves from earlier. A shock like that can really do deep psychological to an occasional lazy ass couch mogul as i can sometimes be on the weekends (the weekend i had off work goddammit) I can't rely on my mates in my course (If i don't deserve to be here, neither are my dumb buddies) its not like they haven't wasted their entire summer playing Halo 3 and surviving off Pot-noodle and benzine, in fact, i have every confidence they've all studied up, changed the tight jeans they wear (every day without fail) and scraped together the 200quid they owe between them, that is, if i was completely thick. Before you think this is some huge rant, i'd like to set the record straight and say yes, this is.

This is one hell of a rant, not that i consider myself too important or "above" working, instead i am just pissed i've run out of tranquilisers. I hope it doesn't show too much :) But seriously, why a 1000word essay on why you shouldn't put your fingers in an electric socket, climb up an unstable ladder or attempt to use a power tool blindfolded? God i hate health and safety...

One thing before I go, think of an animal for these letters:
A L D H M C

Now think rationally and ask yourself, "what am i doing playing a game like this off someone's blog? jesus..." Congratulations, if you've just done the above game and said something similar to that (in any language, accent or even if you just thought it) you've just made the first step into my world, but how deep does the rabbit hole go?
Blue pill, red pill, you know the drill :) ]]> Drakeflyte http://www.animeyo.net/forums/blogs/drakeflyte/35-three-four-weeks-ah-crap.html Huge Events over the Summer http://www.animeyo.net/forums/blogs/zero-eiyuu/33-huge-events-over-summer.html Thu, 17 Jul 2008 23:02:45 GMT I just wanted to quickly pop in and give you all some news.

My oldest brother finally got married! Oh my god it was amazing and I know cause I was there! Hell, I was the ring bearer! Cool! The wedding wasn't exactly as I pictured but the general idea was there, it was so exciting and I was happy to be there to support my brother... also his bride who I am a good friend of, I'm glad he's married to her. Oh my, the wedding was amazing... I might be at another one soon, my older brother may get married.

Oh ya, I forgot to mention, my oldest brother's wife is pregnant! Holy cow I saw the ultra sound of her baby, which she's had for 3 or 4 months now and I was speechless! I mean, I'm gonna be a uncle! I really hope they have a girl, I'd love for her to call me Uncle Michael, or even oniichan! Oh my god the very thought of it makes me all giddy!

Well! That's all folks, dunno when I'll come back for real! ]]> Zero Eiyuu http://www.animeyo.net/forums/blogs/zero-eiyuu/33-huge-events-over-summer.html In Defense of my Modship - An Essay http://www.animeyo.net/forums/blogs/okazaki-tomoya/32-defense-my-modship-essay.html Fri, 04 Jul 2008 14:46:16 GMT *My Modship, Nepotism? God Forbid Not!* An short essay on values, personas, and professionalism in an unprofessional medium. It has come to my attention that within the existing administrative structure, there is uneasiness in my status as a moderator in the forum. I have no clear facts, nor am I totally blind. I know the consequences of my actions, and also know I will forever harbour that mark on my forehead as Cain has his from fratricide. But I digress, this is about my defense of my position. I attribute it to my values, my idea of personas and my core person, and a certain degree of professionalism I bring into this job. Values are something I uphold. I was taught, even if some don’t see it, in the Roman Catholic faith. I’m not one to quote the scripture, for I believe in the Philippine tradition of faith. A long essay attributing early illiteracy, missionary focus, and numerous other factors led the Roman Catholicism I grew up in a family affair. Faith based. As such, numerous values such as fair play tend to find it partnered to Hammurabian ideals of one for one. This melded and molded into generally jaded attitude, a façade that seems to be removed once the right kinks exploited. My values are not pure Machiavellian either. While I do admire the man, he is not as great an influence on my life. One other influence is Confucian beliefs of filial piety. This can’t be applied much on forums, as the veil of anonymity negates a good deal of it. In a nutshell, my values are my values. You may not like em, you may hate em, but its what defines me as a person. I can be Machiavellian with a touch of Hammurabi in one time, but I can do an about face and be a Saint. If you can’t get over that, or believe human beings are not like that, then I’d believe that something is most terribly wrong with your assessment of me and others like me. Values tend to also apply to personas. Webster defines persona as such. A character a person assumed by an author in a written work. Roleplay is also then defined by Webster as to act out the role of. Both are then mutually connected by definition, and in my ‘profession’, this is how I act. Roleplay tend to intermingle with my real life, and real life intermingling with roleplay. Creativity and my love for literature have made me what I am today. I write stories with my friends. I am also transitioning into fanfiction and fiction in general. My love for writing stories can only be limited by my laziness in writing anything. I apply a good amount of personas in my forum. One would be my normal persona. My base, my central character. The purest of my personas, it is strongly Roman Catholic and firmly rooted in faith and facts. Then there is the roleplayer. A mask of masks. There is the tactician, the commander, the high schooler. Any and all roles in between. 4 years and more of this. This has become my persona, and now, a profession. I’ve received my first modding job 2004. It was, not surprisingly, as the rp section mod. I have always been content as such. I did not have the tenure in the realm of roleplaying as others, but I was taught by those very same tenured people. A wealth of experience in what is right and what isn’t. I’ve built heavily on that, and rewarded moderating forum sections devoted to roleplay. In the job, I was one to bring a sense of professionalism in forums. I’ve created my own moderator report form, usually so I can catalogue any and all complaints and whatnot. I believe that though it is a roleplaying area, there must be some system of moderation, besides a more, hands on an unprofessional routine. Warnings and what not should be catalogued, as to fully explain the situation in one short and easy to read form. Now, given those reasons, I shall get to the crux of my little rant, which is aptly called a ‘short’ essay. It has come to my attention that past actions against certain members has come up as an obstacle for my legitimacy. Said legitimacy would be the full acceptance as a staff member in this forum, animeyo, and the point of the argument being that acceptance and access to the staff forum invites trouble. Again, an opinion shared by a certain member, or members. This may be an accurate, to those people, opinion that it is canon on their own rule books. To me, it is because they know all too well my Machiavellian and Draconian side. The side that earnestly prosecuted and hounded certain members due to erroneous or misleading facts, or the implementation of scripted or unscripted events that has hurt many other forum member’s feelings and has led me to defend those members at my own discretion. My, how do people not notice change? I have no aspects for power, nor do I want to abuse said power. I am, if you would love to be cynic and point out my flaws, be similar to a headstrong, young, and new senator (not naming names) who plans to change things within his own available power for the better. I have no designs for modship beyond the roleplay and ooc sections, nor do I plan to incite trouble, for it is unprofessional and if any thing would cause me to be temporarily be demoded, as long as I am still a forum member and roleplaying, I am content to wait out for the duration of the event and reapply or earnestly return to my job. If this is not enough, then continue to deny my access to the staff forum. I am content with the powers I have, nor do I plan on losing them. I understand I am at careful review by watchdogs and what have you, but my power extends to two sections alone, infact, one section and that section’s subforum, and I dare anyone to point out what I’m doing wrong within that section. In short. Deny my staff access. Deny me any privileges, and I’m still content to being a normal forum member. The claims of me inciting trouble in the staff section is clearly done from prejudice and impressions of an earlier action. Animeyo was created with the express, enforced, and heavily guarded neutrality. I don’t plan to bring in the drama that plagued…how many sites. I want to do my part because I was asked if I wanted the job, and having applied for it, would rather do my job than write this defense to any sort of backroom criticism of Nepotism and doubt held by some. This goes for the rest of the staff as well, the staff should not be discussed in such a manner behind their backs. All is welcome here, as we strive to forget the past and reforge relationships thrown asunder by a year or so worth of forum bitching, which, if you think about it, completely pointless in the internet. My Modship, Nepotism? God Forbid Not!
An short essay on values, personas, and professionalism in an unprofessional medium.


It has come to my attention that within the existing administrative structure, there is uneasiness in my status as a moderator in the forum. I have no clear facts, nor am I totally blind. I know the consequences of my actions, and also know I will forever harbour that mark on my forehead as Cain has his from fratricide. But I digress, this is about my defense of my position. I attribute it to my values, my idea of personas and my core person, and a certain degree of professionalism I bring into this job.

Values are something I uphold. I was taught, even if some don’t see it, in the Roman Catholic faith. I’m not one to quote the scripture, for I believe in the Philippine tradition of faith. A long essay attributing early illiteracy, missionary focus, and numerous other factors led the Roman Catholicism I grew up in a family affair. Faith based. As such, numerous values such as fair play tend to find it partnered to Hammurabian ideals of one for one. This melded and molded into generally jaded attitude, a façade that seems to be removed once the right kinks exploited. My values are not pure Machiavellian either. While I do admire the man, he is not as great an influence on my life. One other influence is Confucian beliefs of filial piety. This can’t be applied much on forums, as the veil of anonymity negates a good deal of it.

In a nutshell, my values are my values. You may not like em, you may hate em, but its what defines me as a person. I can be Machiavellian with a touch of Hammurabi in one time, but I can do an about face and be a Saint. If you can’t get over that, or believe human beings are not like that, then I’d believe that something is most terribly wrong with your assessment of me and others like me.

Values tend to also apply to personas. Webster defines persona as such. A character a person assumed by an author in a written work. Roleplay is also then defined by Webster as to act out the role of. Both are then mutually connected by definition, and in my ‘profession’, this is how I act. Roleplay tend to intermingle with my real life, and real life intermingling with roleplay. Creativity and my love for literature have made me what I am today. I write stories with my friends. I am also transitioning into fanfiction and fiction in general. My love for writing stories can only be limited by my laziness in writing anything. I apply a good amount of personas in my forum. One would be my normal persona. My base, my central character. The purest of my personas, it is strongly Roman Catholic and firmly rooted in faith and facts. Then there is the roleplayer. A mask of masks. There is the tactician, the commander, the high schooler. Any and all roles in between. 4 years and more of this.

This has become my persona, and now, a profession.

I’ve received my first modding job 2004. It was, not surprisingly, as the rp section mod. I have always been content as such. I did not have the tenure in the realm of roleplaying as others, but I was taught by those very same tenured people. A wealth of experience in what is right and what isn’t. I’ve built heavily on that, and rewarded moderating forum sections devoted to roleplay. In the job, I was one to bring a sense of professionalism in forums. I’ve created my own moderator report form, usually so I can catalogue any and all complaints and whatnot. I believe that though it is a roleplaying area, there must be some system of moderation, besides a more, hands on an unprofessional routine. Warnings and what not should be catalogued, as to fully explain the situation in one short and easy to read form.

Now, given those reasons, I shall get to the crux of my little rant, which is aptly called a ‘short’ essay. It has come to my attention that past actions against certain members has come up as an obstacle for my legitimacy. Said legitimacy would be the full acceptance as a staff member in this forum, animeyo, and the point of the argument being that acceptance and access to the staff forum invites trouble.

Again, an opinion shared by a certain member, or members. This may be an accurate, to those people, opinion that it is canon on their own rule books. To me, it is because they know all too well my Machiavellian and Draconian side. The side that earnestly prosecuted and hounded certain members due to erroneous or misleading facts, or the implementation of scripted or unscripted events that has hurt many other forum member’s feelings and has led me to defend those members at my own discretion.

My, how do people not notice change?

I have no aspects for power, nor do I want to abuse said power. I am, if you would love to be cynic and point out my flaws, be similar to a headstrong, young, and new senator (not naming names) who plans to change things within his own available power for the better. I have no designs for modship beyond the roleplay and ooc sections, nor do I plan to incite trouble, for it is unprofessional and if any thing would cause me to be temporarily be demoded, as long as I am still a forum member and roleplaying, I am content to wait out for the duration of the event and reapply or earnestly return to my job.

If this is not enough, then continue to deny my access to the staff forum. I am content with the powers I have, nor do I plan on losing them. I understand I am at careful review by watchdogs and what have you, but my power extends to two sections alone, infact, one section and that section’s subforum, and I dare anyone to point out what I’m doing wrong within that section.

In short. Deny my staff access. Deny me any privileges, and I’m still content to being a normal forum member. The claims of me inciting trouble in the staff section is clearly done from prejudice and impressions of an earlier action. Animeyo was created with the express, enforced, and heavily guarded neutrality. I don’t plan to bring in the drama that plagued…how many sites. I want to do my part because I was asked if I wanted the job, and having applied for it, would rather do my job than write this defense to any sort of backroom criticism of Nepotism and doubt held by some. This goes for the rest of the staff as well, the staff should not be discussed in such a manner behind their backs. All is welcome here, as we strive to forget the past and reforge relationships thrown asunder by a year or so worth of forum bitching, which, if you think about it, completely pointless in the internet.
 ]]> Okazaki Tomoya http://www.animeyo.net/forums/blogs/okazaki-tomoya/32-defense-my-modship-essay.html Moderator Report - 7/3/2008 http://www.animeyo.net/forums/blogs/okazaki-tomoya/31-moderator-report-7-3-2008.html Thu, 03 Jul 2008 15:41:32 GMT
Quote:
Mod Form - Okazaki Tomoya
Section: Roleplay

Mod Action(s):
- Copied problem posts to [---xxx---]
- Deleted all but this post containing report.
- Saved BBCode copy of report onto personal archive as well as blog.
Reasoning:
Disrupted overall flow of story. Report will disappear in 10 Days or Less.

Members involved:
Okazaki Tomoya, Fusilier
Original Reporter, if any:
Implied actually, Abstract and Josun Tomoro
Infractions, Warnings, or etc.:
None, just routine enforcement of forum etiquette and OOC/IC divisions.
Action Authorized?:
Yes, standard mod cleanup duty, Roleplay Section
Quote:
Amendment to Report:

Decided on compromise factor. Anna dead by default. Overall layout of warehouse section as described by Fusilier inplies large clearing between trees and warehouse/garage structure with standard jungle and tropical island foliage. Anna dead, and Hanz alive.
.=.=.=.=. ]]> Okazaki Tomoya http://www.animeyo.net/forums/blogs/okazaki-tomoya/31-moderator-report-7-3-2008.html Im a REAL artist now! http://www.animeyo.net/forums/blogs/drakeflyte/30-im-real-artist-now.html Sun, 29 Jun 2008 01:12:12 GMT Hey guys, interesting development in my artistic world. Some of you may know ive been an adamant artist for quite a while, and some of my friends in Edinburgh have persuaded me to put some of my art up for sale in a gallery here. I didnt hold out much hope on actually selling any of it, but i got a call yesterday saying that i had not only sold a piece, but there had been a request for a commission for me to paint a powerstation just outside Edinburgh for just under 100quid :D Naturally ive jumped at this oppourtunity and i hope in a years time i could be making some serious money from all this to fuel my various vices :) Just thought some of you may be interested :) Cheerio! Drake Hey guys, interesting development in my artistic world.
Some of you may know ive been an adamant artist for quite a while, and some of my friends in Edinburgh have persuaded me to put some of my art up for sale in a gallery here.
I didnt hold out much hope on actually selling any of it, but i got a call yesterday saying that i had not only sold a piece, but there had been a request for a commission for me to paint a powerstation just outside Edinburgh for just under 100quid :D
Naturally ive jumped at this oppourtunity and i hope in a years time i could be making some serious money from all this to fuel my various vices :)
Just thought some of you may be interested :)
Cheerio!

Drake ]]> Drakeflyte http://www.animeyo.net/forums/blogs/drakeflyte/30-im-real-artist-now.html <![CDATA[Ain't no cure for the Summertime Blues...]]> http://www.animeyo.net/forums/blogs/drakeflyte/29-aint-no-cure-summertime-blues.html Mon, 23 Jun 2008 15:40:00 GMT Hurrah.... Summer....
Partying i cant actually afford, work i cant be bothered doing and a trip home my mentality could really do without...

Anyway, enough about my week days, the weekend ROCKED!

Went on an event called "Edinburgh Rocks Again!" with a group of mates and an organisation called Couchsurfing we're all into. Naturally, i was dressed as a Gorilla and spent half the time running around Edinburgh chasing strangers (Photos up sometime in the next week), the other half was spent drinking Vodka and playing this fantastic German game called "Ahoy!"

In short, this blog entry is to inform you of a philosophy i was exposed to during the best weekend of my life:

Home is where the heart is, it can be a place, person, or state of mind

Go forth my fellow animeyo'ers and declare your home and your heart wherever you may be!

Yours gorilla-ly,
Drake ]]> Drakeflyte http://www.animeyo.net/forums/blogs/drakeflyte/29-aint-no-cure-summertime-blues.html *Defribulates internet connection*....... IT LIVES!!!! http://www.animeyo.net/forums/blogs/drakeflyte/27-defribulates-internet-connection-lives.html Sun, 11 May 2008 13:10:24 GMT Hey again everyone :D
because my uni is so terrible the internet connectio on campus has been down for a week or two now.
So, firstly, I'm back.
Secondly, I'm in neckbrace after falling down a flight of stairs, dont worry though, no bones broken, just massive amounts of muscle damage :D
Thirdly, my work for this semester is really over.. so expect the art to start churning out wheni get inspiration
Fourthly, Ed is made of :fail: , horribly, horribly full of :fail:

Great to be back guys, see you in the forums! *puts on swimming costume and jumps in* ]]> Drakeflyte http://www.animeyo.net/forums/blogs/drakeflyte/27-defribulates-internet-connection-lives.html Story progress, Manga Progress, and Art Progress http://www.animeyo.net/forums/blogs/zero-eiyuu/26-story-progress-manga-progress-art-progress.html Thu, 08 May 2008 13:30:25 GMT As far as my writing has gone I've been working non-stop on my stories. Mainly on my Love Hina Story, Tsukihime Story, and new Kanon story coming up. Progress is going along smoothly and I will soon be looking for a group of trustworthy beta-readers and proof readers.

Manga is coming along well as well. I've almost gotten the whole story writen down on paper and have gotten almost chapter 1 of vol one of my manga up... taking a while with all the other things I've been up to. I may have to search for some assistances later if things continue as they are. I still need to work on my panels and my dialogue, it's taking a while on that part.

Art has slowed down the most. My drawings have virtually stopped so far, I can't get any insiparation exept through my own original story. I tried to draw some anime characters from different animes but I've lost the will to do that.

My own paper craft projects of stopped as well, mainly it's because I can't think of any good ideas of paper crafts I should do. I mean I've got ideas but I don't really know how to do it. I got one idea to draw out Arucied with chains everywhere, but that would take a lot of bristol board. Ideas are still coming...

And lets get to the plush dolls. I'm still working on them, not as much as I used too though. I just don't have enough time for them, and that sucks. I'm still in the works of perfecting my Shinobu Maehara doll. I am also thinking of making a Setsuna Sakurazaki doll, Shiki Tohno doll, Arucied Brunestud doll, Len doll, and maybe a Ibuki Suika doll. But that's all down the road, I may have to make those over the summer. ]]> Zero Eiyuu http://www.animeyo.net/forums/blogs/zero-eiyuu/26-story-progress-manga-progress-art-progress.html Roleplaying Ineptness and Issues with Idiots, Part 1 http://www.animeyo.net/forums/blogs/okazaki-tomoya/25-roleplaying-ineptness-issues-idiots-part-1.html Fri, 02 May 2008 18:46:26 GMT
"Roleplaying is like writing a story with several people."
-Unnamed friend.

Roleplaying. This is merely a follow up to the Identity Issues and Melancholic States blog entry, written, oh...like a few hours ago for me. The focus mainly is me venting about roleplaying. In particular, online text based roleplay.

I know many people scorn it. I know many people would hate me for it. But guess what? Tough luck. I have my preferences and you have yours. If you're going to bitch about it, shows how mature you are eh? Bitch because it isn't like DnD. Bitch because it isn't like World of Warcraft. (which is a very shitty game, compared to others out there, especially when compared against EVE Online)

But my main beef comes from idiots. Noobs or not, it all comes from idiots. I've role played for 4 years, and I'm still growing. I've reached a stagnation phase where I've yet to evolve more, but its provided a fairly good view at the masses in the metaphorical climb up to roleplaying nirvana to bask in the likes of Gary Gygax, Viola Spolin, and Richard Allan Bartle.

So...what's the purpose on this rant? Well, its mainly me reminiscing on the good old days. When people applied themselves to role plays and used common sense, some intelligence, to craft beautiful stories that usually didn't involve linear plots where it has already been covered by some other genre quite effectively.

People tend to also be influential in how I see where a roleplay will go. If the universe is created in compromise, or willingly joined, then there is the possibility for a good roleplay. But if the people within it are in different levels of literacy, and how serious the people are, it effects the overall 'fun' of the game.

I guess I'll save the actual things for a later rant, my train of thought has disappeared. ]]> Okazaki Tomoya http://www.animeyo.net/forums/blogs/okazaki-tomoya/25-roleplaying-ineptness-issues-idiots-part-1.html Identity Issues and Melancholic States http://www.animeyo.net/forums/blogs/okazaki-tomoya/23-identity-issues-melancholic-states.html Fri, 02 May 2008 08:39:05 GMT
"The great artist is a slave to his ideals."
-Christian Nestell Bovee

Why is it that, I often think of things that has nothing to do with life? With the bearing I am setting it on? I mean, what has my online persona given me? It has given me nothing but grief, headaches, and I shall pass some blame on it. It has limited me. I took up the moniker of Jusuchin Panjirinanu. Jose Rizal. Lorenzo Ruiz. Okazaki Tomoya. Walter von Schenkopf. What had those aliases done to my life?

Once taken up, I can only look fondly or in disgust at the past. These names are all vying for control for dominance. I can be the diplomat and mentor, Jose Rizal/Jusuchin Panjirinanu. I can be the persecutor, Walter von Schenkopf. I can be my dream perfection, Lorenzo Ruiz. I can be the jaded man, Okazaki Tomoya.

So far, I've had much unpleaseant and painful memories with Jusuchin Panjirinanu. My life's a roleplay, always revolving around the circle of friends I have made with Chris, Jen, Mike, and Komm. I am mentor and student, an equal and subordinate. Why is it that I am at times haughty and high up, but sometimes overly humble and depressive? I dunno. I can't categorize myself, nor am I willing to let other categorize me.

Okazaki Tomoya is my current name. I have become an elder Jusuchin Panjirinanu. jaded to the world and merely a simple man. Finding joys at life's simple pleasures. Simple to me. Overly humble around superiors, haughty and oppressive around friends and inferiors. I don't think I can set it straight now. What sort of mask shall I play. Am I what my mother described me as? 'Demonio with the face of a saint?'

I honestly can't say.

Am I Legion? The demon of multiple entities? If so, which entity will take prominence and lead my life? Will it be the diplomat? Persecutor? Jaded veteran? I can't say.

But for now, I am fine. I wish to relinquish Jusuchin Panjirinanu. He has brought such pain to me in 4 years, and it cancels the good, or that good turns bad with age. I can't dwell on the past though. I must look ahead. Thus I want to drop him. And take on another mask. Okazaki Tomoya.

Okazaki is true to his real counterpart. A delinquent in limbo. The one I most connect with. I can't help but wish my life was his. I've yet to recover from this identity struggle, a paradox, seeing that this came about because I want to change to Tomoya's mask. I find trouble in such an unexplainable way. I shove my friends and family away yet I want them to be on my side. Has my quest to change masks turned me into a living paradox?

Man was one to begin with, but this logic is confusing. This mask of Okazaki Tomoya is also slowly taking over my real psyche. I've started on the path of delinquency. Where this will take me, I dunno.

"ARI-GA-TO... (For) giving me birth to this world
ARI-GA-TO... (For) Days we went through together
ARI-GA-TO... (For) Everything you gave me
ARI-GA-TO... I will sing (on) forever"
-Kokoro


Melancholy is depression. No doubt about it. My quest for identity has undoubtedly led me to doubt myself. And in a further exemplification of it. Uncalled for depression. Amplified emotions of self-pity and suicidal tendencies stemming from perceived failures and my inherent curse to micromanage my future. I dream fanciful futures for myself, only to not act on them and to see it fall apart.

This is my world, and I am happy to drown in such feelings, for I see the beauty in such. I see my fanciful dreams. My hopes. And I find them to be stronger when the bitter wine sweetens through actual effort. I have not yet learned to cry freely. I have learned sadness, but not the all too important skill of venting.

Life to me is grim through various ways. The responsibilities and requirements for the real world weight heavily on my childish and naive persona, turning me into the jaded delinquent type that is Okazaki Tomoya. But enough of masks. Melancholic states is the purpose of the latter half of this ranted muse post. I am neutral now, yet I wish for melancholy. I don't know why I do.

I really can't muse on melancholic behavior or states until I am melancholic myself. I guess that will wait until then.

Oh I wish I had someone to talk to. It doesn't matter now. ]]> Okazaki Tomoya http://www.animeyo.net/forums/blogs/okazaki-tomoya/23-identity-issues-melancholic-states.html The first step is always the hardest. http://www.animeyo.net/forums/blogs/okazaki-tomoya/22-first-step-always-hardest.html Fri, 02 May 2008 06:51:35 GMT Well, it is. Isn't it?

Then there is the second. Third. Fourth. Fifth. Then eventually the hundredth. Thousandth. Millionth. Its my opinion, and I admit I got it from an anime, that without pain, there is no such thing as beauty.

Man lives to be a living paradox. An embodiment of the supreme diety's ability to be kind and mean to us at the same time. Many people don't realize this. They swing towards both ends of the human emotional and moral spectrum. And it isn't mutually exclusive. I mean, take for example some people. They can believe they are righteous yet they aren't humble, or use ways to force people to believe their side that can also fall into oppressive arrogance.

I'm guilty on all counts thank you very much. I don't believe myself to be the perfect person, because in order to believe so, you must be arrogant enough to believe in such an idea.

Grah, losing my train of thought.

Well. I'd like to merely comment on Dischord's entry. I'm done as well. I'd like both sides to look at it. You are only fighting a war of attrition over what? A stupid forum dispute? I can understand if you were all world leaders fighting over several hundred kilometers of territory, several thousand people, or several billion dollars of money, but come on.

Bobsy, your guys need to lay off. I am, and I'm quite sick of it. You don't have one of them piss off my only nee-sama. We're not blood related an all, but damnit, I never had an elder sister and she comes close to it.

I am not clean in this myself, and I admit to that. But I've laid off in the attacking. Why must neutral and unalligned parties be dragged into this. If anything, target me you damn cowards.

Enough of that. I need less stress from this bullshit. If some 15-20 year olds will want to fight over a forum issue with a 30 year old man and his cronies, be my guest. I'll just say this.

I'm burying the hatchet, and offering the other cheek. But I know where that damn hatchet is buried and I can easily dig it back up, and while you do strike the other cheek, keep in mind that other hand gripping the HK USP45 Expert in the quick release holster in the small of my back.

What I'm saying. I will retaliate if you piss me off.

Fuckers. ]]> Okazaki Tomoya http://www.animeyo.net/forums/blogs/okazaki-tomoya/22-first-step-always-hardest.html To make you all laugh http://www.animeyo.net/forums/blogs/s0k0_kit4ru/20-make-you-all-laugh.html Tue, 22 Apr 2008 17:13:47 GMT I can't see my feet anymore. . I know they're there. . at least. . I BELIEVE they're there. . *seeing isn't necessarily believing*
Just thought I'd point out another wonderful pregnancy plus :D. .feet be gone :D.:ninja: ]]> s0k0_kit4ru http://www.animeyo.net/forums/blogs/s0k0_kit4ru/20-make-you-all-laugh.html Left AnimeB http://www.animeyo.net/forums/blogs/golden-nightmare/18-left-animeb.html Sat, 19 Apr 2008 02:22:53 GMT < ~ Daisuke]]> Yes yes

I did it, I finally left that forum. The brigade move was the last straw..it was pointless stupid and moronic...sorry but it was...

not only that I've not been on that site for ages, I mean I don't even check it anymore so I decided it was best to just say my farewells and just quit going back just to log in and post once ....ever other week or so ><

~ Daisuke ]]> Golden Nightmare http://www.animeyo.net/forums/blogs/golden-nightmare/18-left-animeb.html